Funny Thing Happened on the Search for the Hallows
by FelinesAndPhoenixes
Summary: A Funny Thing.... Albus and Gellert's crazy misadventures while searching for the Deathly Hallows.
1. Gold Star Excursion

**Title:**__A Funny Thing Happened While Looking For the Hallows…..

**Summary: **Dumbledore and Grindelwald go searching for the Deathly Hallows, and have several odd little misadventures.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing that you recognized, and probably little that you don't.

**Author's Note: **I'm really not sure that anyone besides DarkenedFlame13 and I (and our Grindelwald RP'er) will find this funny at all, because a lot of it is just making fun of each other, but I did try. I appreciate any comments you have.

Oh! And by the way, I am going to be writing this in stupid little drabbles, but it will all be part of the same thing.

_Title inspired by A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum._

**Might Also Be Important To Know: **This is going to be completely ridiculous, but I will keep people as in character as possible.

Clearly, Gold Star Chili did not exist in this time period. And yes, I am off on the dates for the invention of the automobile and whatnot. I'm a history major. I already know. I told you. Noncannon, but as in character as possible.

Part the First: The Grand Gold Star Excursion

"Well?" Gellert Grindelwald asked, impatiently from behind the wheel the car, that he was rather disgusted with himself for knowing how to operate. Not that he was any good at it, mind you.

"Be patient, would you, I told you, I'm _thinking_," Albus Dumbledore muttered from the passenger seat, where his face was hidden by a rather large map that he held up, mere inches from his face. "Take a left up here at the crossroads," he said, gesturing vaguely to the left, without taking his eyes off the map.

Gellert rolled his eyes, but did as instructed. "Could you be bothered to remove your face from that twice damned map, perchance?" he asked in a tone that suggested it wasn't the first, or even the fifth time that he'd asked.

"Yes, yes," Albus mumbled, folding the map carefully and precisely, placing it neatly on his lap. He slid a folded sheet of paper out from the bottom of the pile of papers on his lap and tapped his purple quill pen against his cheek as he studied it intently.

"Wait, where the devil are we going?" Gellert asked, frowning as the countryside started to dissolve into a cityscape.

"First we'll got to this one," Albus murmured absently, tapping the paper with one long finger, "then this one, and then _this one_. Then it would only be logical to…What?" he looked up at Gellert, trying to arrange his facial expression into one of innocence. "Why do you ask?" As he asked the question, he tried to slide the paper back into the stack.

"We've been driving around all day, and you've been navigating, and alternating between looking at that map and looking at that paper, and not telling me where we're going. Give me that damned paper, Albus!" Gellert snapped, reaching for the paper. Tugging it out of Albus's hands, he stared at it with an air of incredulity. "Albus," he said slowly, as though speaking to a child, "we are NOT going to EVERY Gold Star Chili in the general vicinity! The Hallows are NOT going to be there!"

"No," Albus allowed, "but it would be…..fun?"

Gellert sighed. "I am going….to kill you."


	2. EightYearOld Boys

A Funny Thing Happened on the Search for the Hallows

Part the second: 8-Year-Old Boys

**Author's Note: **This is inspired by our RP Grindelwald's driving. Not that mine (I'm Sevvie!) is any freaking better. XD

Once our Gelly was driving and this random 8-year-old boy on a scooter thing randomly went out in front of his car and they collided. We still make fun of him about it. (Everyone said it was the kids damn fault. It's a long story.)

**Disclaimer: **Zoom in on my empty wallet. I don't own anything. Not even my own disclaimer. Shit!

They'd been driving in silence for a few hours now, Albus staring broodingly out the window while Gellert drove. If only Gellert hadn't taken the list of Gold Star's away, Albus lamented. Everything would have been fine if they'd just _gone _to the restaurant. Now Albus was _never_ going to get his chili! Oh, or find the Deathly Hallows. Every time he had tried to turn the radio on, Gellert had given him a Look and turned it back off, citing it as a "distraction to his driving". But the silence was getting to be monotonous, and Albus thought that he was going insane. For a brief moment, he entertained the thought that he would have been happier at home.

Shaking his head to rid himself of the thought, he turned to say something to Gellert, but shrieked instead as the car suddenly swerved violently to the right. "What in Merlin's pants are you doing!?" Albus howled as he slid sideways into his door. He turned, glancing behind them to see what had happened. "Gellert! You almost hit that little boy!"

"But I didn't," his companion replied in a tone that made it sound like the most logical thing to have ever been spoken. "Did that look like an eight-year-old boy to you?"

"But you almost hit that little boy!" Albus replied, turning to flail at him. "Merlin's _beard_, Gellert! You can't just go around running over children!"

"I _didn't_," Gellert replied, still in that irritatingly calm voice. "He wasn't an eight year old boy! I can only run over those! Anyway, I haven't run over anyone, ja?"

"But you _almost_ ran over someone!" Albus said. "Good lord, think of the children!"

"I did," Gellert said, with a vague wave of his hand. "I don't like them."

Albus threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. "Gellert! We can't just go around _killing _people!"

"But….I love blood on the windshield! It's my favorite!" he replied in a whine.

Albus sighed and crossed his arms over his chest sulkily as he went back to staring out the window, muttering darkly to himself. He was startled out of his revere when the car swerved sharply to the left and he slid across the seat, colliding with Gellert. "What the -?" he began, but before he could finish his thought, the car was swerving back to the right, and he was thrown into his door. "What in hell are you doing?!" he shouted in annoyance.

Gellert glanced at him, an unreadable expression on his face. "I thought that one was an eight-year-old boy," he said mildly.

"Gah!" Albus threw his hands up into the air in exasperation one more time before smacking himself in the forehead. "Just. Drive. Can you do that? No children. No blood on the windshield. Just drive."

Gellert sighed. "Well, you're no fun."

"That's it," Albus muttered, turning back to the window. "Next time _I'm _driving."

**(IT SUCKED! I THINK IT SUCKED!!!!!) Now that that's out of the way…..**

**The End. **

**For now.**

**But only for now.**

**Tune in next time for Albus's driving fail, based on our rp group's Albie. XD**

**Until next time, mein leibelings!**

**-Professor freaking Doctor**


	3. Going to the Zoo

_A Funny Thing Happened On the Search For The Hallows, Part 3  
Going to the Zoo_

**Author's Note: **This one isn't really inspired by anything, just a conversation with DarkenedFlame13. However, I do dedicate this to our Alby and Gelly who are two of the most awesome people that I know. Seriously.

Furthermore, I have this in Verdanda font on Word, which I never knew I liked. It's also pertinent to know that when I turned on the computer it greeted me with "Windows 7: Enterprise". I lol'd. Long story though.

**Disclaimer: **"I know the kings of England and I quote the fights historical from Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical. I'm very well acquainted too with matters mathematical, I understand equations both the simple and quadratical. About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot of news…with many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse!" But I don't own anything! Not even that damned song!

"Gellert," Albus said, sounding borderline impatient, "I'm not sure exactly how this is going to help us find the Hallows."

"Surely it's going to be more useful than that Gold Star debacle," Gellert muttered as he pulled the badly dented car into the parking space, tongue between his teeth as he concentrated on not hitting the cars on either side of them.

"But the zoo, Gellert?" Albus asked incredulously.

"Albus," Gellert said, almost cheerfully as he got out of the car and slammed the door behind him, "do me a favor and do shut up!" As his companion slid out of the car and closed the door, a scowl on his face, Gellert flounced off in the direction of the zoo's entrance. After paying for their tickets, even though he'd have rather used magic to convince the cashier to let them in for free, Gellert snatched a map off of the desk, grabbed his companion by the wrist and pulled him off towards the monkey house.

"I still don't understand the purpose of this excursion," Albus grumbled, angrily licking the ice cream cone that Gellert had thrust into his hands moments earlier. The two were sitting on a bench in front of the monkey enclosure, sunlight streaming down on them, watching the monkeys frolic.

"We're trying to find the Hallows," Gellert said patiently, glancing down at the zoo map in his hands. "I think we should go and visit the snake house."

"Elephants," Albus protested. "We should go and see the elephants."

"Albus, how the devil do elephants have anything to do with the Hallows?" Gellert exclaimed, looking at his companion like he'd lost his mind.

"How do _snakes _have anything to do with the Hallows?" Albus countered. "How does the zoo have anything to do with the Hallows?"

"Snakes are known for being used often to symbolize dark magic!" Gellert explained patiently, though loudly.

"Shhh," Albus hissed urgently, smacking his friend's arm. "The muggles are staring at us."

"Then let's go and visit the snakes!" Gellert said cheerfully, jumping up and grabbing Albus by the wrist again, dragging him off.

Later that day, they were getting back into the car, Albus holding Gellert's large plastic bag of souvenirs. "Gellert, none of these objects are the Hallows," he groused. "Furthermore, it's hot, I'm hungry and we've just wasted an _entire day_ with foolishness!"

"This could totally be one of the Hallows cleverly disguised!" Gellert said as he got into the car, cuddling a stuffed snake. "It's totally evil, Alby! Totally!"

Albus scowled. "I hate you."

**Author's Note: Totally pointless, I know. The next one will be better. And I am taking suggestions. What would you guys like to see happen to our heroes? **


	4. Ice Cream Adventures

**Title: **A Funny Thing Happened on the Search for the Hallows, Part 4: Ice Cream

**Summary: **Gellert just _has _to have ice cream, or its going to drive him absolutely insane. Albus just doesn't understand. Sometimes its hard to spend time with an eccentric German.

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing that you recognize and little that you don't.

**Author's Note: **Inspired by both my adventure with a friend at Cold Stone and another friend complaining about wanting ice cream when we were in the car. I stole some of Gellert's dialogue from her. Mostly "I want ice cream!" and the dejected "Bye bye, ice cream." As far as shoving food into someone's mouth to shut them up, I do that to my boyfriend and friends all the time. It works. xD

**Random other note: **I had a reviewer who suggested that Albus and Gellert should have more sophisticated dialogue, but I think that I'm going to keep it light for now. You have to keep in mind 2 things- they're 17 and this is mostly a crack fic.

Albus was driving the car this time, for which he was glad. He would be eternally grateful if he could manage to survive the rest of the search or the Hallows with Gellert. He had a sneaking suspicion that not allowing the German to drive any more was probably the key. Or possibly slipping something into his tea to make him sleep for the remainder of the journey….. Hmm, now _that _was an idea with some merit. Lost in thought, eyes on the road, it took him a moment to realize that the music had stopped and that Gellert was poking him insistently. "Alllllbusssss," Gellert whined in the childish way that he had when he was annoyed.

"What is it Gellert?" Albus sighed, glancing briefly over at his companion. Gellert was slumped down in his seat, blonde hair tousled, midnight blue waistcoat rumpled from being in the car for too long. He was squinting against the fading sunlight, staring at Albus.

"I want ice cream!" Gellert whined. "And we're going to be passing somewhere to get it soon, right?" He sat up straighter, stretching and looked out the passenger window. "See, look!" He pointed excitedly at a sign advertising an ice cream parlor up ahead. "Lets stooooop, Alby! I want ice cream!"

Albus rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to the road. "That's extremely counterproductive, Gellert," he said. "We will have plenty of time for ice cream one we've found the Hallows."

"But I want ice cream!" Gellert insisted. He tugged on Albus's sleeve pleading. "Please, please, please?"

"No!" Albus snapped, driving past the ice cream parlor and turning in the opposite direction.

"I hate you, Albus," Gellert mumbled sulkily, slumping back down in his seat.

An hour passed in relative silence, Albus focused on the road again, wondering where he would have hidden the Deathly Hallows if it was his decision. Perhaps the cemetery was the key, and they should return. Perhaps the Hallows had been buried with their owners…

"_Albus_!" Gellert practically shouted, startling Albus out of his thoughts again.

"What _is_ it?" Albus asked in annoyance, trying to hide the fact that Gellert's sudden shout had badly startled him.

"I still want ice cream!" Gellert said matter-of-factly. "And if you'll direct your attention to the left, there is another opportunity for ice cream. And before you protest, how do you know that no one will have hidden the Hallows in someplace like this?"

Albus sighed. "Gellert, I've already said that this is extremely counterproductive. I promise that we're going to get ice cream when we have time."

Gellert frowned and with a sigh waved listlessly at the ice cream parlor. "Bye bye, ice cream," he muttered dejectedly.

This went on for another hour, and darkness had fallen before Albus finally gave in. Gellert had dejectedly said goodbye to six different ice cream parlors before Albus had had enough. "For Merlin's sake!" Albus exploded. "We'll stop at the next ice cream shop. Now Merlin's beard, will you _shut up_, Gellert?"

Gellert smiled, evidently pleased with himself. "Yes," he said with a serene smile.

Twenty minutes later, Albus was watching the German across a small metal table outside of an ice cream shop and candy store. "Gellert, you wanted ice cream, and that is _not_ ice cream," he said, completely baffled.

Gellert smiled over his sugary confection, a small funnel cake smothered in vanilla ice cream and whipped cream and topped with strawberries. "It _contains_ ice cream," he said, spearing a strawberry delicately with his fork. He dipped the fruit into a small bowl of sugar that sat next to his plate and slipped it delicately into his mouth.

Albus rolled his eyes and sipped his own mint shake. "I swear, you're insane. And I don't see how this is helping." He looked sullenly at a stack of parchment laying on the table between them. "We haven't discussed the Hallows once since we've gotten here, and that was the deal! You said that if we got ice cream, we would at least work!"

"We're young," Gellert said, spearing another strawberry and dipping it into his bowl of sugar. "We'll have all the time in the world for work."

"We're _running out of time_," Albus lamented, on the verge of panic. "If we don't-"

"Shh!" Gellert said. "Shut up and eat this." He leaned across the table and shoved the strawberry into Albus's mouth. "Now hush. We'll work on it tomorrow. I promise." He pulled his fork away and sat back, smiling smugly.

Albus chewed his strawberry sullenly. He supposed Gellert won. This time.


End file.
